Gone are the days when bikinies were an option.  Like LONG gone, not just around the corner behind me but waaayyy back in the town 600,000 miles away.  And you know?  That’s fine.  I’ve totally come to grips with it.  I’m older, I’ve had four children, and I, uh, . . . nope, I guess that’s it but trust me, it’s plenty.  The last few years I’ve managed to get by with Tankinies.  I thought these were one of the best things ever created with mommies in mind (right up there with under-the-belly-elastic maternity pants and Lansinosh’s superb nursing pads.  If you’ve never tried their nursing pads, and you currently battle the constant boob-drip like always did, pick some up today!  They are thin, super absorbant, adhere to your bra and large enough diameter-wise to not show their outline through your shirts).  Tankinis gave me the coverage I desired for my mid-section and yet helped me feel like some semblence of my former, pre-baby, self. 


But alas, Lil Blue did me in.  My pregnancy with him just thrashed my body.  Maybe it was passing that 30 year old mark that all of a sudden robbed my skin of it’s elasticity or the fact that I looked like I was going to give birth to a beach ball.  Seriously.  I’m not even kidding.  I’m writing up his birth story and I’m debating about whether or not to include my preggo pics.  Like, bare belly ones.  The covered belly ones are the wrong angle and don’t do my size justice.  But, then I’d be exposing myself in sooo many ways on this here internet.  Actually, not afraid of you all I haven’t met seeing them.  It’s you all who already know me… Care to weigh in?  No pun intended.  Should I or shouldn’t I include those pics?

But I digress… Truth is, I have no choice now.  If I were to expose even the teeniest centimeter of my torso, children would run screaming from the pool.  And they’d probably be my own munchkins.  I don’t want to rob any youngsters of the desire to have their own children one day.  I wouldn’t trade my post-babies’ body for any of the super-model ones out there.  My children are well worth the sacrifice and in some ways, my new body is badge of honor.  I’ve traveled that selfless road of motherhood, sometimes kicking and screaming but traveled none-the-less.

Which brings me to my current issue.  And it’s with my once beloved Tankini.  See, I, um, well, my tankini from last year shrunk or something (yeah, yeah, that’s it, it shrunk.  Too much pool water?) and I can’t wear it this year.  So I’m now in the quest for a new one.  Oh, the horrors of bathing suit shopping.  I abhor it.  With every bone in my body.  I get a nervous twitch just strolling past the dreaded section when I’m in Target buying diapers.

What is it with the Tankini styles this year??!!  All the tops, the TANK part of the “ini” and the sole reason I buy them, are shorter!  Like, the area from about two and half inches below your belly button to an inch or so above, is totally exposed!  I have nothing against seeing belly buttons but I don’t want to see mine.  Or the area just below it.  That’s the area I need covered!  My rib cage is fine!  It’s the fact that I have skin around my bellybutton that looks like melted paint (snow white paint at that) and my once, very cute (if I do say so myself), not-an-innie but not-an-outie belly button now looks like a nose poking out from my torso.  Again, no exaggeration folks.  Just ask Hubby, he is supremely amused by it.  But like any good husband, he’ll let me know when it’s poking out so bad you can see it through my shirt.  So why, I ask the designers of Tankinis, why in tar-nationwould I wear one?  I might as well buy a bikini!  Which I’m not, by the way.                                

All the makers of Tankinis need to make a decision, as I see it.  Either make the bottoms extremely high wasted, like grannie-panties or lengthen the dang tankini top.  I’m rootin’ for the latter.

This one is really cute… do you think I could add a nice ruffle to the bottom of the tank to lengthen it?  Maybe not.

In the meantime, I’m gonna be sporting a tank top and board shorts in the pool and at the beach.  Yep, you better believe I’m SOOO bringing sexy back.